We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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