they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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