Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
