your parents love me but you hate me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
