:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
