Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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