yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
