She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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