I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
