She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
