It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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