Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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