those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize