I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
