Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
