Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
