I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
