I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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