I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
