I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize