My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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