Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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