11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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