She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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