i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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