You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
