I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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