it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
