my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
