I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
