And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
