I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize