Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize