I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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