your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
