Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
