it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
