people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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