Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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