I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
