he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
