i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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