hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
