You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
