If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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