why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
