i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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