I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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