get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
