just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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