Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
