I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
