I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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