she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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