Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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