There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
