I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
