It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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