bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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