Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
