It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
