We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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