dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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