I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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