im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
