So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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