You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
