"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
