my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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