i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
