THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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