How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize