Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My ass is underappreciated
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
