I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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