The maid of honor just puked.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
