i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
