He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
