I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
