I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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