I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Be still, my beating vagina.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
