Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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