Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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