Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
