I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
