there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize