Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
