Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
