Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
