We need to rekindle our bromance
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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