please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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