I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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