last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
