I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
