actually, I'm a sock model
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i will never coherently bang her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
