i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
