I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need moral support for this bender
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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