i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
